It was as if I was going on autopilot, just living and doing but not really being myself, just as if I was a passenger on moving body doing tasks, performing tasks, talking, walking, but my soul, my self seamed to be somewhere else.
Maybe I was too absorbed by all the tasks, and often enough, I am more in my head than I am myself in the world.
So, I needed grounding. Not the literal grounding by making barefoot contact with the ground (or I could have tried that, but it was actually below zero and ice on the ground), just the process of stopping and being in nature, outside, re-connecting myself to the world.
So, when walking with Lukas in the evening, I decided to dress well and breing my headlamp and go for a stroll in the woods, to one of my favorite places.
Ironically enough, this is a place where there had been an old forest that had been taken down. I remember that night after it had disappeared, I was heading for a small hill, with Lukas and a huge backpack, to sleep in my tent.
I also remembered I was so shocked by the place where the former beautiful forest had been, that had now turned into something resembling a war zone.
Nevertheless, throughout the last three-four years, it has turned out into a place where I walk more than anyplace else. It's an open space. There still is the trail. Of course, there aren't orchids anymore. Or old trees, or the ancient paths leading to other places, but it's an opening to the sky.
I found myself a tree stump to sit on (not hard to find one) - and turned off my headlamp.
There they were... the stars.
Many years ago, when I lived quite far away from places with dense artificial lights, in a little place with 50 inhabitans just at the foot of Hardangervidda, I spent many hours outside, with a little red lamp, my dog and a skywatching book, and looked upon the stars. I got really good at telling apart and naming the different constellations.
I remember some of them. But now, you can also use an app to determine the names of the constellations in the sky, no need to bring a book outside anymore!
Anyway, while Lukas was entertaining himself with a stick to work on, I sat there watching the sky, so dark between the surrounding mountains, and tried to memorize the names that app had provided me for some of the brighter stars I saw.
Despite the cold I felt calm and at peace.
I really apreciate living in such a small place, where you can go outside and find peace and quiet on a saturday night.
Just that night, all I needed to put myself together again was the fresh air, the calm of the woods, the darkness of the sky and the quietness surrounding me.
I'm thinking that it would be fun to try and refresh my knowledge on all those beautiful constellations and star names. To me, seeing again Orion on the dark winter sky is like greeting an old friend.
After that walk in the woods, I felt like one piece again. My soul that had hidden from my body possibly due to too many errands, finally got settled back inside me. I felt grounded.
I think I need to be aware of that - that from time to time, I have to stop and take my time, be inside me, at my own pace.
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